Sort Out Blame and Responsibility
Whose Problem Is It? Sorting out Blame and Responsibility in Relationships
In today’s society, it’s common to pass the buck by putting the blame and responsibility on others or deny that a problem even exists, especially in dysfunctional or co-dependent relationships.
When that happens, responsible people tend to get thrown off balance. If you’re one of those people, you believe in dealing with problems, rather than ignoring them or unloading them onto someone else. After all, if you own it, you can solve it, right? Under normal circumstances that would be true. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way if the problem you’re worrying about isn’t really yours to solve.
This simple game is for you if you tend to take on blame and responsibility for others to your own detriment. Especially during these times of upheaval and reorganization, it’s essential to clear out all the confusion without making it only your problem. We can find more balanced ways to come up with solutions together.
Use this mind exercise when you are:
-
SOS Symbol Not clear where your responsibility lies in a given situation
- Pressuring yourself to solve someone else’s problem
- Lacking energy for your own projects
- Aware that someone is overly dependent on you
- Wanting to change the dynamics of blame and responsibility in a relationship
- Being used as a scapegoat or dumping ground for negative energy.
Directions: Confirm this is the best exercise for you with the SOS symbol.
If your efforts to solve a problem are causing you to become overwhelmed and frustrated, follow the directions for each step of this game and watch how your perspective changes! By playing, you’ll get to the bottom of what’s going on and receive constructive guidance on how to effectively come to a solution, at least for yourself.
You’ll probably feel some energy moving while you go through the exercise. That’s all right, because it means the Circles are working with your mind to unlock a fixated pattern and help you get some positive answers to your dilemma.
Once you’ve completed the game, your energy will be more your own and you’ll have a much clearer idea of what’s actually going on, including what to do about it.
Whose Problem Is It?
1. While looking at this Circle, think of a problem or plan that‘s bothering you.
What is it specifically that bothers you about this situation?
Have you experienced this problem before?
Mind Body Integration
For best results, look at each symbol both crossed over the midline of the body and uncrossed so that the correction is more complete.
Feel free to move at anytime in any way to help you embody your experience!
2. Answer “yes” or “no” to these questions about what’s happening:
“Is this my problem?”
“Is it a projection that’s coming from elsewhere?”
“Is it something I’m projecting on myself?”
“Am I projecting this problem onto someone or something else?”
If you are dealing with any projections, you can use this Circle to help you burst them, just like a bubble or lots of little bubbles.
After all, projections are just illusions and don’t really exist, so why waste your precious time and energy on them?
3. Continue answering “yes” or “no” to these questions about your true relationship to this problem:
“Is this my problem?”
“Is it a problem I’m taking on for someone else?”
“Am I obsessing or worrying over something that I have no control over?”
“Is this just a troublesome habit that I keep rerunning in my head?”
Additional questions you can ask yourself:
“Am I taking what others say and do (or don’t say and do) personally?”
“Am I being respectful to myself in this situation?
How about being respectful and understanding of others?”
“What is my part in this situation and how can I handle it?”
“Am I in the best position to make a positive change?”
4. How is this problem affecting you?
If it’s having a negative affect, release any unconscious agreements you may be holding. You can change them by imagining you can tear up old contracts or burn them up in a violet flame like these:
“I release the agreement that I don’t matter or that I have no choice in this situation.”
“I release any unconscious agreements to be rigid or keep repeating harmful habits.”
Replace those agreements with some new agreements:
“I respect and take good care of myself.”
“I exist. I get present. What I say and do matters.”
“I choose to express my needs and cooperate with others in finding genuine solutions.”
Are there any other agreements you would like to change or update?
5. It could be that you’re tapping into a recurring pattern of control or traumatic stress that’s blocking positive energy.
Relax into this symbol and imagine you can close up destructive energy channels between you and all that negative energy.
“I close down all harmful energy channels from the past.”
“I close them down because they aren’t helping anything.”
Next, open up to more hopeful and beneficial energy.
Gather up your newfound awareness and imagine you can plug it into the center of this symbol for improved communication.
“I am open to receiving generative life force available to me in the present.”
Take a few minutes to feel more centered with more positive energy flowing through you, both crossed and uncrossed over the midline of your body.
6. Now it’s time to turn your attention towards possible solutions to the problem.
Make a choice to be in charge of your decisions and how you respond to this problem:
“I am in charge of what I do in this situation.”
“What new decisions do I need to make about myself?”
“What decisions do I need to make about others?”
“What decisions do I need to make about this situation?”
If you feel stuck, use the Circle to unstick and remove mental obstacles from your thinking process so you can do your best in this situation.
See if you can get all the gears in your mind moving together.
7. In order for you to be more objective, dissolve any mental or emotional blueprints that may be contributing to the problem.
Gaze softly at this symbol and allow the patterns to dissolve like dark clouds hanging overhead or off in the distance. These positive affirmations will help:
“I dissolve the blueprints for internalizing and taking on other people’s problems.”
“I release the patterns of confusion or putting too much pressure on myself.”
“I dissolve my tendencies to project problems onto myself or others.”
Take all the time you feel you need for the patterns to dissolve into pure sunlight and clear, blue skies. Feel free to move around until the heaviness is completely gone.
“I release the fear of failure and being too hard on myself.”
Please note: Make sure you don’t send destructive energies down into the Earth, she already has too much to handle now. Use the Earth for planting seeds of health, happiness and life – not illness, unhappiness and death!
8. Take a few minutes with this Circle to infuse your body with courage and determination. Imagine that you can surround yourself with a sphere of protection with affirmations like these:
“I am protected and in charge of my own space.”
“I allow others to be in charge of their own space and handle their own problems.”
“I can easily deal with my problems with courage and determination.”
Are there any aspects of your Essential Self that need to be encouraged to take care of this problem with respect – both for yourself and for others?
Redirecting how you’re using your own energy is one of the most powerful ways to solve your part of the problem.
If you have a copy, use The Essential Human manual to help you make simple corrections. Ask for numbers between 1 – 42 and make corrections to each number chart in the order they come to you.
9. What does your heart want to tell you about this situation?
Keep looking at the Circle and ask yourself this question until you hear a clear answer.
“My heart is telling me to ________________________.”
Let that quiet voice of your intuition give you answers to simple questions.
Include the basics like, who is involved? What is going on? Where is it happening? When is it happening? Why is it happening and what is its purpose?
What and how would I best respond to this situation?
10. Take a few moments and see yourself letting go of other people and their problems.
“I surrender other people’s issues, karma and emotions.”
“I send them to wherever they need to go to heal.”
Once that feels complete, call back what ever belongs to you.
“If it’s truly mine and I own it, I can resolve it.“
“I call back what belongs to me so that I can set things right.”
11. Now it’s time to get centered and ask yourself this question:
“What is the most important thing I can do to take care of myself?”
Take the very first answer that comes to you, then place your answer in the center of the Circle like a bull’s eye.
Imagine you can send your attention and energy directly to your answer and then allow the energy to return to you.
Do that for several rounds to start a new pattern.
12. Finish the exercise by asking your Inner Wisdom for some good advice:
“What will help me to follow through on making
a positive difference in this situation?”
Congratulations! Being realistic about whose problem it is and what you can actually do about it is often the missing piece to coming to a resolution.
Now would be a great time to relax and contemplate the advice you have given yourself. Take a walk if you can to help you integrate your thoughts.
Please note: Self-care Formula #4 Grounding in Your Power and Truth will often deepen your conviction and ability to follow through.
Blame and Responsibility is a Mind Exercise in Our PTSD Workbook
You are invited to Sign Up for the Intuitive Learning Circle Ezine
About the Author
Rheanni Lightwater CHT, CKT lives and practices in Santa Fe, NM and has 25+ years experience in the art and science of mind body healing. Contact her for a private session if you want more help sorting out your relationships.
Ms. Lightwater’s mission is to assist people in creating healthy balance and harmony in their lives through Reiki, Energy Medicine, Hypnotherapy and Feng Shui Space Clearing. Sessions are available online or when you visit Santa Fe. Contact her at 505-271-4612 MST or email: [email protected].
Disclaimer:
Whose Problem Is It? should not be considered as an exclusive method of mental / emotional stress. The appropriate medical or psychotherapeutic authorities should be consulted for the diagnosis and treatment of any medical or psychological condition. The information and practices described on this website are best considered as educational and complementary to orthodox medical or psychological treatments.
Protected: Completion | Power Circle
Power Circle – Access Your Strength
Kuan Yin’s Power Circle: Staying Grounded in Common Ground for the Common Good
Tuning in and going with the flow of nature is a difficult thing for most human beings. We’ve been trained since childhood to use force and effort to accomplish our aims. In fact, in many circles, it’s considered a weakness to behave in any other way.
Since 2009, Kuan Yin has been co-creating with us to find another, more peaceful way for those who truly desire to create in alignment with Nature. The overall objective of the plan has been to experience the abundance and joy of surrendering to the flow of creativity or “happiness”.
The purpose of each Stage in the Power Circle of Life is to illuminate how you can be more in the flow in any situation and this year, Kuan Yin has partnered with the Major Arcana Card of Strength to help us manifest more effectively in the New Paradigm…
Power Circle – Following MODERATION
We are receiving help from Kuan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion who has guidance about staying grounded and following our inner guidance during times of great change and instability. She uses the I Ching, or Book of Change, an ancient Chinese text that follows and predicts movements and energy flow in the cosmos. Her advice, as always, is direct and to the point!
We are often under the influence of several I Ching flows. Kuan Yin refers to this as a “multiple highway pattern.” Whenever that happens, she recommends following the flow of Hexagram #15 MODERATION whenever possible.
Because there’s so much happening, we can have difficulty staying grounded and moving forward on that Middle Road. Yet being grounded and following inner guidance are the keys to moving forward in a positive and beneficial way.
Before you get too far into this, go through a quick quiz to see if this Power Circle would be at all helpful for you. Simply gaze at the Intuitive Learning Circles and relax while you consider the accompanying questions or affirmations.
Consider what’s going on in your life right now. Ask yourself:
“What is important about being able to manifest my current life goals? Are they worth it?”
“Does it feel like I’m heading towards the Light or towards darkness?”
“Am I getting thrown off a lot? Am I working with the Earth or against her?”
How important is it that I stay in the I Ching Flow of MODERATION and follow the Middle Road?”
If it seems like you’re heading the wrong direction, ask yourself,
“What am I confused about?
“Am I stuck in an energy, attitude or agenda from the old paradigm?”
“If so, how harmful is that to me?”
“What, if anything, do I still need to learn from this situation?”
“What do I need to do differently?”
Strength knows that being true to yourself is the best way to regain your balance. She knows how to be guided by that inner imperative – your Soul’s purpose.
You may not be able to put your dilemma into words yet, however, you do know when it feels right.
In this sequence of Ten Stages, you are given Transformation Games and Mind Exercises that are meant to keep you centered and on track in these Autumn months of 2024.
Remember that we’re all awakening something entirely new within ourselves and, at the same time, we’re navigating a variety of OBSTACLES and RETURNING cycles of karma. Being centered and quick to notice undesirable patterns of behavior are the smartest ways to handle the challenges we’re facing. Treat yourself kindly and patiently forgive your inevitable misunderstandings and missteps.
As active Change Makers, we can use our collective experiences to make corrections so we can be more grounded and able to move forward with our individual Soul purposes. Working together, we can find answers that cannot be found in any other way.
Invite the energy of Old Soul to collaborate with STRENGTH to inspire powerful ways to follow the middle road this Fall in the New Paradigm.
What Stage Would Be Helpful to Me – Right Now?
There are 10 Stages of the Power Circle of Life to choose from ~
1. Inspiration
2. Attention
3. Intention
4. Adaptation
5. Perception
6. Organization
7. Decision
8. Determination
9. Celebration
10. Completion
Each Stage has a game that Kuan Yin recommends to help us during the transformative year of 2024.
Please note: If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, don’t despair! You may simply need to gather aspects of yourself back into the present again. Start with SOS for Collapse.
The first step is to take a moment to look at the Circle above – Old Soul (your higher guidance) and think about what you’re hoping to create. Then, ask your heart:
“What Stage would be most useful for me to look at now?”
Or you could ask yourself:
“Which number between 1 and 10 represents the best self awareness process for me right now – or is the best place to start?”
Remember to take the very first number that comes to you, because that is your Inner Wisdom speaking or your intuition.
Once you have your number, scroll down the list and check out that process. You might be surprised at what you’ve chosen, because your Higher Self has access to information that you do not. Trust your first response and explore the exercise anyway.
If you have a journal, make notes of important insights and ideas that come to you during the process. Feel free to sketch if you like. This is the intuitive way to determine which exercise is best for you right now!
Of course, if you want, you can always get help with Rheanni if you want more private coaching. Her contact info can be found at the bottom of this page…
1. Inspiration – Birthing a Heartfelt Desire
Strength requires repetition, therefore it follows that we need to be able to keep coming back to the fundamentals of what it means to find MODERATION. Without a doubt, she recommends having a dependable way to come back from extremes and subconscious distractions and follow the middle road that’s guided by our Higher Selves. This Transformation Game is that foundation.
Establish a Strong Foundation for Staying Grounded.
2. Attention – Focusing the Desire
Any new path may have distractions and dangers that you just cannot see clearly. Strength warns, “If a side road or project has caught your attention, it may seem so easy and inviting because you’ve been down it so many times before. Following it blindly may simply lead you back to where you began – circling around and around in a frustrating, no-win situation. This Game will help you gain a deeper understanding of the dangers of where old habits may be leading you.
Slow Down and Make Sure You’re Not Heading for DANGER.
3. Intention – Voicing the Desire
In order to manifest important goals, especially ones that require change, your Essential Self needs to be fully present and willing to participate. This mind exercise takes you through a self discovery process where you can begin to understand why it seems so difficult to manifest your intention. Hint – it’s usually about a fear you picked up earlier in life. Now is your opportunity for deep self-healing.
Pull Together Your Natural Resources for Manifesting.
4. Adaptation – Expanding an Awareness of the Possibilities
As you become aware of the many new options that are available to you, clear perception is what you need most to make sure you’re in the right position and heading in the direction of your highest good. Your unique path may be quite different than what you imagined or what other people expect of you. In addition, you don’t want to inadvertently head back into the very situations you’ve been wanting to get out of for so long. Blind spots are everywhere!
Make Sure You’re Seeing It Right by Clearing Up Your Blind Spots.
5. Perception – Activating the Imagination
STRENGTHEN your imagination by listening to your special protector guidance. Don’t let wishful thinking or irrelevant agreements throw you off track. When learning to stay centered and travel the Middle Road – be sure you’ve got all the information you need and that you’re heading in the right direction. Stop and consider a new perspective from your Soul that will help you come up with a truly meaningful path.
Make Sure You’re Heading in the Right Direction with Clear Perception.
6. Organization – Refine and Prioritize
You are a being of Love that has it’s own distinct vibration and ways of creating. When you’re organizing your energy, efforts and direction around the guidance of your Soul, amazing things can happen. Stop wasting time on distractions, dead ends and no win situations. Organize your activities around what works and what you really want to have happen.
Simplify your life by re-organizing around Love.
7. Decision – Conscious Alignment of Energy
If you haven’t decided to enjoy yourself on your journey yet, you’d be amazed at how much it will change things for the better. Refocus your intuition, common sense, logic, instincts and observation away from the perfectionism and judgements of the outside world. Take some time to realize what’s really been going on in your head and make joy your focus and priority.
Align your decisions with what brings you joy.
8. Determination – Commitment to Follow Through
Once you’ve stated definitively what you want to create, the Universe comes in and says, “Really? That’s not what you’ve done before… are you sure?” And then it proceeds to show you all the reasons why you haven’t been able to do it before. It brings you the karma you need to clear and the behaviors that have gotten in the way. So, this is the stage when challenges and crazy things will show up and when they do, keep the faith. Hold to your convictions. Know that the Universe is also there to help you set them right.
9. Celebration – Experience of Success and Satisfaction
Do you know what success means to you? In today’s world of algorithms and social media, it’s easy to get thrown off by cultural expectations and agendas. At any point in your Power Circle you may need to check back with your original intention. Does anything need to change? Are you being true to yourself? Unclear or wishy washy intentions create unclear results. Detach from any entanglements that don’t really reflect your needs and values.
Move Beyond Groupthink and Herd Mentality to Find Your Own Success.
10. Completion – Acceptance of the Circle of Life
The end of a cycle is the very best time to rest. Your body knows a lot about what it needs and how well you’re nourishing yourself as you go through the natural process of completion. Re-assessing how you’ve been taking care of yourself and accepting where you’re at points the way to the next cycle of creation.
Tune Into How You’re Nourishing Yourself at the End of a Cycle.
Thank You for Being a Change Maker for the Common Good!
Find out about Intuition Training for Personal Growth with us!
If you are interested in private or group coaching using the Power Circles of Life, contact Rheanni Lightwater.
Rheanni is the author of Gifts from the Rainforest, where she shares wisdom from the many plant, animal and nature spirits that that are available through the Intuitive Learning Circles and their messages.
Sessions with Rheanni are available online or when you visit Santa Fe. Contact her at 505-271-4612 MST or email: [email protected].
You are invited to Sign Up for the Intuitive Learning Circle Ezine
Disclaimer:
Intuitive Learning Circles should not be considered as an exclusive method of treatment. The appropriate medical or psychotherapeutic authorities should be consulted for the diagnosis and treatment if there is any medical or psychological condition. The information and practices described on this website are best considered as an adjunct to orthodox medical or psychological treatments.
Protected: Negative Thoughts That Keep You Stuck
Protected: Understanding Karma VIII
Otter Medicine
Having Fun with Otter Medicine ~
Self-care and Personal Growth through Gifts from the Rainforest:
14. Otter Medicine – the river otter embodies the spirit of playful, good-natured fun and helps us set our sights on having some. Remembering to have fun is good advice to take seriously.
Are you working too hard?
If so, what would help you have more fun?
Healing Action: Refocus your energy on having fun. Be more playful. Smile, laugh, enjoy a joke!
Otter Fun
What could be more playful than the Otter?
He splashes and dives through the water as if everything is fine.
Not a care in the world!
If you think this is foolish, think again.
Because whatever you think about you create more of.
So, which would you rather do?
Create drudgery, obligation and work
or
fun, relaxation and your heart’s desire?
If you don’t have enough fun, let Otter show you how.
If it’s hard to let go, let him give you a push.
If you don’t know what your heart’s desire is,
it’s time for an adventure.
Dive in.
Mind Body Integration
For best results, gaze softly at the Circle both crossed over the midline of the body and uncrossed so that the communication is more complete.
Intuitive Learning Circles help you access your inner guidance and self-confidence to make proactive changes. Simply relax and gaze at the Circles while contemplating its message and positive affirmations. Your intuition will come forward and give you the help that you seek.
Further Exploration into Otter Medicine:
It’s time to have some fun. You’re taking things much too seriously. Have you thought about expressing yourself artistically? Dance, sing, have fun! Do this and you will have the power to inspire others to do the same.
Developing a sense of humor will serve to lighten up the situation and your attitude. Calm down and recognize the truth about what’s going on. Things are not as bad as they seem. Most fun comes from doing things just for the sheer pleasure of doing them anyway. Take away the pressure, the have to’s, the should haves and second guessing.
Let Otter give you a quick lesson in reciprocity. Gaze into the Circle and imagine him smiling back at you.
1) Use the Circle to gather up your energy.
2) Place the objective of “having fun” in the center of the Circle like a bull’s eye. Focus your attention and intention on actualizing your objective.
3) Next, send your energy directly to it – like throwing a ball.
4) Allow the energy of your intention to come back to you and keep that going for several cycles. Repeat the affirmation: “I am invested in my own wellbeing,” and keep playing!
Humor is most skillfully used when it calls attention to the misuse of creative power. You may have an opportunity to do so at this time. If you are unsure where the misuse is taking place, look into the Circle and ask your heart, “Am I fooling myself in this situation?” If the answer is yes, ask to be let in on the joke.
If the answer is “no” ask for other Circles (#1 – 58) in this collection to give you a better idea of what the misuse of creativity is. When you’re willing to learn how to roll with the punches, even have fun with them, you can regain your balance quickly in both good times and bad.
Otter Medicine is an excerpt from Gifts from the Rainforest
Available exclusively From Soul Resources LLC:
OPEN YOUR HEART AND MAKE FRIENDS WITH OTTER MEDICINE
Inspired by Design Therapy from the native tribes of the Amazon, the fifty-eight Intuitive Learning Circles and spirit animals from Gifts from the Rainforest are self-healing tools for nature lovers who want to accelerate their spiritual growth and intuitive guidance.
♦ Find emotional healing ♦ Deal with repetitive habits & attitudes that keep you stuck ♦ Develop common sense ♦ Learn to trust your gut instincts. ♦ Receive messages from plant, animal & nature spirits.
Disclaimer:
The Intuitive Learning Circles should not be considered as an exclusive method of handling stress. Soul Resources LLC and Rheanni Lightwater are not licensed to practice medicine. The appropriate medical or psychotherapeutic authorities should be consulted for the diagnosis and treatment for any medical or psychological condition. The information and practices described on this website are best considered educational and complementary to orthodox medical or psychological treatments.
