Blame and Responsibility

Whose Problem Is It? Sorting out Blame and Responsibility in Relationships

In today’s society, it’s common to pass the buck by putting the blame and responsibility on others or deny that a problem even exists, especially in dysfunctional or co-dependent relationships. 

When that happens, responsible people tend to get thrown off balance. If you’re one of those people, you believe in dealing with problems, rather than ignoring them or unloading them onto someone else. After all, if you own it, you can solve it, right? Under normal circumstances that would be true. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way if the problem you’re worrying about isn’t really yours to solve.

This simple game is for you if you tend to take on blame and responsibility for others to your own detriment. Especially during these times of upheaval and reorganization, it’s essential to clear out all the confusion without making it only your problem. We can find more balanced ways to come up with solutions together. 

Use this mind exercise when you are:

  • SOS for Blame and Responsibility
    SOS Symbol

    Not clear where your responsibility lies in a given situation

  • Pressuring yourself to solve someone else’s problem
  • Lacking energy for your own projects
  • Aware that someone is overly dependent on you
  • Wanting to change the dynamics of blame and responsibility in a relationship
  • Being used as a scapegoat or dumping ground for negative energy.

Directions: Confirm this is the best exercise for you with the SOS symbol.

If your efforts to solve a problem are causing you to become overwhelmed and frustrated, follow the directions for each step of this game and watch how your perspective changes! By playing, you’ll get to the bottom of what’s going on and receive constructive guidance on how to effectively come to a solution, at least for yourself.

You’ll probably feel some energy moving while you go through the exercise. That’s all right, because it means the Circles are working with your mind to unlock a fixated pattern and help you get some positive answers to your dilemma.

Once you’ve completed the game, your energy will be more your own and you’ll have a much clearer idea of what’s actually going on, including what to do about it.

Whose Problem Is It?

1. While looking at this Circle, think of a problem or plan that‘s bothering you.
What is it specifically that bothers you about this situation?
Have you experienced this problem before?

Mind Body Integration

Mind Body Integration For best results, look at each symbol both crossed over the midline of the body and uncrossed so that the correction is more complete.

Feel free to move at anytime in any way to help you embody your experience!

2. Answer “yes” or “no” to these questions about what’s happening:
“Is this my problem?”
“Is it a projection that’s coming from elsewhere?”
“Is it something I’m projecting on myself?”
“Am I projecting this problem onto someone or something else?”

If you are dealing with any projections, you can use this Circle to help you burst them, just like a bubble or lots of little bubbles.

After all, projections are just illusions and don’t really exist, so why waste your precious time and energy on them?


3. Continue answering “yes” or “no” to these questions about your true relationship to this problem:
“Is this my problem?”
“Is it a problem I’m taking on for someone else?”
“Am I obsessing or worrying over something that I have no control over?”
“Is this just a troublesome habit that I keep rerunning in my head?”

Additional questions you can ask yourself:
“Am I taking what others say and do (or don’t say and do) personally?”
“Am I being respectful to myself in this situation?
How about being respectful and understanding of others?”
“What is my part in this situation and how can I handle it?”


4. How is this problem affecting you?
If it’s having a negative affect, release any unconscious agreements you may be holding. You can change them by imagining you can tear up old contracts or burn them up in a violet flame like these:
“I release the agreement that I don’t matter or that I have no choice in this situation.”
“I release any unconscious agreements to be rigid or keep repeating harmful habits.”

Replace those agreements with some new agreements:
“I respect and take good care of myself.”
“I exist, and what I say and do matters.”
“I decide to express my needs and cooperate with others in finding genuine solutions.”
Are there any other agreements you would like to change or update?


5. It could be that you’re tapping into a recurring pattern of control or traumatic stress that’s blocking positive energy.
Relax into this symbol and imagine you can close up destructive energy channels between you and all that negative energy.
“I close down all harmful energy channels from the past.”
“I close them down because they aren’t helping anything.”

Next, open up to more hopeful and beneficial energy.
Gather up your newfound awareness and imagine you can plug it into the center of this symbol for improved communication.
“I am open to receiving generative life force available to me in the present.”
Take a few minutes to feel more centered with more positive energy flowing through you, both crossed and uncrossed over the midline of your body.


6. Now it’s time to turn your attention towards possible solutions to the problem.
Make a choice to be in charge of your decisions and how you respond to this problem:
“I am in charge of what I do in this situation.”
“What new decisions do I need to make about myself?”
“What decisions do I need to make about others?”

“What decisions do I need to make about this situation?”

If you feel stuck, use the Circle to unstick and remove mental obstacles from your thinking process so you can do your best in this situation.
See if you can get all the gears in your mind moving together.


7. In order for you to be more objective, dissolve any mental or emotional blueprints that may be contributing to the problem.
Gaze softly at this symbol and allow the patterns to dissolve like dark clouds hanging overhead:
“I dissolve the blueprints for internalizing and taking on other people’s problems.”
“I release the patterns of confusion or putting too much pressure on myself.”
“I dissolve my tendencies to project problems onto myself or others.”

Take all the time you feel you need for the patterns to dissolve into pure sunlight and clear, blue skies. Feel free to move around until the heaviness is completely gone.
“I release the fear of failure and being too hard on myself.”

Please note: Never send destructive energies into the Earth, she already has too much to handle now. Use the Earth for planting seeds of health, happiness and life – not illness, unhappiness and death!


8. Take a few minutes to look at this Circle for courage and determination. Imagine that you can surround yourself with a sphere of protection. These affirmations will help:
“I am protected and in charge of my own space.”
“I allow others to be in charge of their own space and handle their own problems.”
“I can easily deal with my problems with courage and determination.”

Are there any aspects of your Essential Self that need to be encouraged to take care of this problem with respect – both for yourself and for others?

The Essential HumanRedirecting how you’re using your own energy is one of the most powerful ways to solve your part of the problem.

If you have a copy, use The Essential Human manual to help you make simple corrections. Ask for numbers between 1 – 42 and make corrections to each number chart in the order they come to you.


9. What does your heart want to tell you about this situation?
Keep looking at the Circle and ask yourself this question until you hear a clear answer.
“My heart is telling me to ________________________.”

Old Soul

Let that quiet voice of your intuition give you answers to simple questions.
Include the basics like, who is involved? What is going on? Where is it happening? When is it happening? Why is it happening and what is its purpose?
What and how would I best respond to this situation?


10. Take a few moments and see yourself letting go of other people and their problems.
“I surrender other people’s issues, karma and emotions.”
“I send them to wherever they need to go to heal.”

Once that feels complete, call back what ever belongs to you.
“If I own it, I can resolve it. I call back my resources so that I can set things right.”


11. Now it’s time to get centered and ask yourself this question:
“What is the most important thing I can do to take care of myself?”

Take the very first answer that comes to you, then place your answer in the center of the Circle like a bull’s eye.
Imagine you can send your attention and energy directly to your answer and then allow the energy to return to you.
Do that for several rounds to start a new pattern.


12. Finish the exercise by asking your Inner Wisdom for some good advice:
“What will help me to follow through on making
a positive difference in this situation?”

Congratulations! Being realistic about whose problem it is and what you can actually do about it is often the missing piece to coming to a resolution.
Now would be a great time to relax and contemplate the advice you have given yourself. Take a walk if you can to help you integrate your thoughts.

Please note: Self-care Formula #4 Grounding in Your Power and Truth will often deepen your conviction and ability to follow through.


Blame and Responsibility is a Mind Exercise in Our PTSD Workbook

Soul Oriented Solutions - PTSD Workbook

You are invited to Sign Up for the Intuitive Learning Circle Ezine

Intuitive Learning Circle Ezine - Soul Oriented Solutions

Our Privacy Policy

About the Author

Rheanni Lightwater - Grounding in the TruthRheanni Lightwater CHT, CKT lives and practices in Santa Fe, NM and has 25+ years experience in the art and science of mind body healing. Contact her for a private session if you want more help sorting out your relationships.

Ms. Lightwater’s mission is to assist people in creating healthy balance and harmony in their lives through energy medicine, hypnotherapy and feng shui clearing. Sessions are available online or when you visit Santa Fe. Contact her at 505-271-4612 MST or email: [email protected].

Whose Problem Is It? should not be considered as an exclusive method of treatment. The appropriate medical or psychotherapeutic authorities should be consulted for the diagnosis and treatment of any medical or psychological condition. The information and practices described on this website are best considered as an adjunct to orthodox medical or psychological treatments.

Reduce Confusion

Do You Need to Reduce Confusion?

Welcome to an energy clearing that uses the Intuitive Learning Circles to help you reduce confusion and set things right by activating your imagination and renegotiating key agreements about your identity.

Reduce Confusion About Your Identity

If you are in the process of changing your career, where you live, your relationships or your priorities, you’re finding out how much energy old identities hold and how hard it can be to let them go. The stories we keep up about ourselves are powerful and take a lot of energy.

Perhaps you’re making changes in your family life. Maybe the career you invested so much in is no longer relevant. You may want to retire or even wonder whether the whole way you’ve been thinking about yourself is harmful to your well being.

So often, when we want a change, we think it will just happen automatically!

It’s easy to forget that you had agreements around those relationships or activities. They motivated you and literally structured how you went about your day. The habits, memories and intentions that came with them helped you generate your life up until this point and have become part of your identity. That identity could also have roots in collective, past life or ancestral experiences. Regardless of how they got there, they are all important and need to be tended to, even the difficult ones!

To Reduce Confusion it’s important to examine Soul Contracts and other agreements to see if they need to be either:

  • Kept
  • Released completely or
  • Re-negotiated to adjust to what’s needed now.

Use the Circle of Condor to help you sort through all the confusing cogs and wheels turning round in your mind.

You may say, “I don’t have time for this right now. There’s too much going on. It doesn’t really matter, does it?”

Yes, it does matter, because you matter. Your relationships matter. What you do matters. In fact, when there’s a lot going on, that’s the very best time to examine who you are and who you want to be.

If you just barge forward into what you think you want now at this pivotal time in your life without handling your agreements, you’ll simply go back to what you’ve always done before. The times are too significant to go back to the old status quo! That will just make things harder for everyone – especially you!

If you’re willing to slow down just a little, and make your agreements a priority now rather than later, you can free up a lot of repressed or negative energy. Even more importantly, you’ll be amazed at how much conflict and confusion you can bypass altogether!

When you can be fully present and without attachments to the old story, whatever your future holds will have much less baggage.

Wisdom tells us, “when one door closes, another one opens.” and “what you put out, comes back to you.” The principles behind re-negotiating healthy agreements absolutely concur with those ideas. If we don’t change our agreements – especially institutional, cultural agreements – the old stories will keep coming back to us even when we thought we had outgrown them!

The intention of this mind exercise is to acknowledge who you’ve been and where you’ve come from by examining your agreements with respect so that you are truly free and open to create your new identity!

In this experience, you’re going to create a ceremony for reducing confusion and preparing for a prosperous new beginning by using your imagination, intuition and common sense to paint a new picture. All you need to do is relax and gaze softly at the Circles while you follow the directions that go along with each one. If you want, bring along something to write on or draw with!

Mind Body Integration

Mind Body Integration - Self-care for loss

For best results, look at each symbol both crossed over the midline of your body and uncrossed so that the correction is more complete.

Feel free to move at anytime in any way to help you embody your experience!

Begin by bringing in your Soul and Higher Self to oversee the process of reducing confusion around your identity.

Relax and gaze softly at the Circle for Old Sol. Bring your attention to the center area of your body.

Old Soul


Breathe deeply and open up communication with your heart and Soul.

Use this Circle for the Vine of Your Soul in the same way to help you to know what’s truly important to you about making this transition safely and effectively.


Connect with the new flow of life energy.

There is a new, generative energy available for healing, protection and manifesting and this symbol will help you open up to it.

Meditate on Divine Protection for as long as you like, both crossed and uncrossed.

Imagine that you can close down destructive energy channels from the past. Then use the center of the Circle to help you connect with new channels of communication that are generative and life affirming.


Prepare to release your current conception of yourself.

This Reiki Chakra Key can help you be more clear about what you would like to change so you can reduce confusion. Relax with it and start with how you’re seeing yourself in your current situation. Is there something about what you see that you’d like to change?

Personality Chakra Key

Now, go deeper and relax some more… imagine how you would prefer to see yourself.


Enlist help for releasing attachments and stuck energy.

Use this Key to soften and neutralize the energy around how you’ve been seeing yourself. Like a healing balm, imagine that a loving coat of peace and comfort is pouring down over you – helping you to let go.

Soul Star Attachment Key

If you like, go back up to the Personality Chakra Key and see if anything has changed. Repeat the process as many times as you like.


The Importance of Agreements ~

The mind works through agreements. Transitioning out of an identity and setting up a new life goes so much easier when you consciously change agreements with the parts of your life that are over and done with.

That includes complicated contracts or agreements around relationships: the people, the places and the organizations that you’re going to be moving beyond. Those relationships may not be over, but surely they are going to change!

Clear up the complications with  this Soul Contract Circle by letting go of agreements and outdated obligations that are cluttering up your mind. You’ll know that you’re done when the energy feels freed up.


If you’ve completed an important project with a person, an organization or a special place, you’ll want to acknowledge it with respect.

See completed debts, vows and resentments burn up like old contracts in a beautiful, violet flame. This would include agreements with places you used to live in or frequent, agreements about raising children, building a career, finishing school or being in a relationship of any kind. You have completed that project successfully and what you did with that mattered!

“I let go of all Soul Contracts that are complete – over and done with with grace and gratitude.”

I respectfully allow the necessary changes to take place.”


You also have agreements with yourself that need to be released or renegotiated in order to reduce confusion about who you are now.

You may have made an agreement with yourself about yourself when you were younger. You could have decided that certain things just weren’t going to be possible for you, so why try? You may have given way your power, your space or even your body! If those agreements are still operating somewhere in your psyche, you can release them now with this Circle.

Your nervous system holds the energy of those agreements. To let go, start at the bottom of the line and the bottom of your spine.

As you move up, you can imagine locks unlocking – freeing each vertebrae from the chains of outdated, oppressive agreements – all the way up to the top of your spine. Be sure to do that gently, both crossed and uncrossed. Here’s some suggested affirmations:

I let go of finished agreements around the identity of __________.”

“I let go of being abused, disempowered, confused or _________. I am free of any enslavement. My Soul is now in charge of who I am, what I’m able to do and how I behave. I matter and what I do matters.” 

I release agreements that interfere with my health, my productivity, prosperity and self-confidence. I decide that my body and mind is no longer a place for _______ or ________.”

“I utilize my gifts and talents to create ________ and ________.” Etc. You get the idea!


Reduce Confusion by “Setting Things Right” ~

A helpful metaphor for setting things right is to think of your life like a puzzle. That puzzle consists of many pieces – like your karma and other aspects of your Soul or Essential Self, including various skills, dreams, talents and gifts.

If you don’t have all your puzzle pieces or if you’ve gotten your pieces mixed up in someone else’s puzzle, things won’t come together correctly.

Think about it. If you have a box of puzzle pieces from five different puzzles, it’s going to be very difficult to sort out what really needs to happen. Whose puzzle is it?

Even worse, what if you realize that you’re not working on your puzzle at all? That would really explain your confusion! Until you’ve set things right, you will continue to be confused and unable to put it all together.


Use these positive affirmations to help you set things right:
“My life is a puzzle that I’m putting together. I’m willing to set things right in accordance with what I need now.”

“I decide to release any puzzle or puzzle pieces that don’t belong with me and call back those that do.” Visualize the transfer taking place.

“I work on my puzzle and allow others to work on theirs.” Visualize your Soul’s true puzzle coming together, with every piece in place!

Stay with it until the energy subsides.


Now you can get completely present so you can make sense of things and reclaim Soul Integrity.

Relax and let your 3rd Chakra get connected, open and balanced at your solar plexus (the area where your ribs go up in the front).

Your Essential Self is most efficiently located there to help you manifest, create happiness and maintain health.

In stressful times, it’s pretty common for the Essential Self to get closed off, misplaced or dissociated.

Opening that Third Chakra is an important part of setting things right.

If you need extra help, scroll back up to the Soul Star Attachment Key.


Now You’re Ready to Clear Up Old Baggage.

With this new awareness, you can go into more detail. Consciously let go of anything that doesn’t really belong to you and needs to be returned. A lot of this is energetic in nature so, it’s best to imagine those things going to the Light. If you think of something that you actually, physically need to return to someone, make a note of it and plan to return it.

“I decide to reduce confusion by returning anything that belongs to someone else. That includes their confusion! All debts, confusions and misunderstandings are set right.”

Do that both crossed and uncrossed.


Establish Autonomy.

You can do the same with people. Maybe there are a few people that still cling to you for reasons of their own. It could be neediness, fear, anger, jealousy, co-dependence or any kind of pain and suffering. They need their energy to help themselves, so send it back to them or wherever it belongs in accordance with the highest good. We want everyone to be free to move on.


Establish Reciprocity.

As part of setting things right, you need to reciprocate. For example, there could be some people that you cling to as well. You will want to reclaim your authority by recalling all your Essential parts and/or functions that have attached to others, yet really belong with you.

“I call back all parts of my Soul or Essential Self that need to be reclaimed.”

Include your personal power, your principles, your energy, dreams, special abilities, talents and gifts. You will need these things as you create your new identity.

Forgive old debts and resentments.

If you’re willing to let go of any harmful intentions, grudges or resentments, you’ll be doing everyone a favor – especially you! Remember, what you put out comes back to you, so it’s in your own best interests to forgive yourself and put those conflicts to rest by letting them go to the Light.

If you like, you can imagine a beautiful Light opening up to you with a place for you to surrender your resentments and disagreements. All debts are forgiven.


Repair any reversals or glitches in your energy system that would prevent resolution.

Use this Repair Key to help you make corrections. Relax and sense your overall energy. If it feels jagged, reversed or disjointed, stay with the Key until the energy smooths out.

Continue crossing and uncrossing over the midline of your body until you can feel the unique energy of your Soul coming through.


Release any old, out of date or harmful Intentions.

Now is a good time to clear up any old intentions and unconscious attachments that go along with it.
Deeply relax as you gaze into the center open space of this Circle for the grandmother of tobacco – Mapacho. Imagine any prayer, wish, intention or agenda that may be keeping you attached to your old identities.

Release them like wisps of smoke, clearing the way to reveal forgotten seeds of desire, aversion and ignorance, including other harmful intentions such as ancestral curses, filial and financial obligations and outdated societal vows.

These could include intentions from past lives or earlier in this life. You might be carrying them for others because of a family identity of “fixer,” “rebel” or “scapegoat”.
It’s tremendously beneficial to clear them out now, so that you don’t inadvertently reignite them when you move forward with your new choices.


Now it’s time to call back lost or confused aspects of your Essence.

This is like a Soul Retrieval. Use this Soul Prayer Chart to call back all parts of your Essence that may have gotten lost or fragmented along the way in your life.

“I reclaim my Essence with appreciation and gratitude.” 

Energy Medicine for the New Paradigm

Note: It’s worth it to think back on any special places or experiences you’ve released your agreements with. A fragmented part of yourself could very likely be stuck or wandering around in those places. Call them back so that you can live in wholeness!


Shine Light on who you really are.

Opening up to the Light will help you bring in a new vision of who you can be and what is possible for you to experience now.

“I let the Light shine in.”

“I illuminate a new vision of me doing _________ and being ___________.”


Empower your ability to change.

“My Heart is open. My Soul is in charge and I am empowered to connect through joy and gratitude.”

“My new identity is empowered through Divine Connection to my Source.”


Clear Destructive Emotional or Mental Patterns.

There are probably many old patterns that need to be cleared away by now. Use this symbol to dissolve any harmful mental or emotional patterns that are ready to be transmuted. See those attachments or behavioral structures like a large cloud bank that you can consciously send to the Light. Dissolve them into pure sunlight – the darkness all gone.

Please note: Never send destructive energies into the Earth, she already has too much to handle now. Use the Earth for planting seeds of health, happiness and life – not illness, unhappiness and destruction!


Close the doors to other confusing pathways, so that the door your Soul wants to open can open.

Let this Circle help you close those old doors and pathways so that you can reduce confusion and your new path can become clear.

“All doors, holes or pathways are sealed and healed.

I follow the direction of my Soul’s protection.” 


Express gratitude and get grounded.

Finally! Thank all the people, places and experiences that have been a part of your life. Whether you liked them or not, they have helped you become who you are today. Put both feet on the floor and get grounded in the New Paradigm based on equity, cooperation and sustainable prosperity.

This is a good time to find and follow through on a simple action that you know will help you reduce confusion and move on.

This Mind Exercise is Part of Animal Totem Tracks for Self-healing

Explore Animal Totem Tracks for Self-healing

Find out about Intuition Training for Personal Growth with us!


You are invited to Sign Up for the Intuitive Learning Circle Ezine

Intuitive Learning Circle Ezine - Soul Oriented solutions

Our Privacy Policy

Rheanni Lightwater

Rheanni Lightwater is a Reiki Master, Hypnotherapist and Medical Intuitive who specializes in Past Life Clearing and Soul Retrieval in Santa Fe NM. She also serves the Albuquerque, Rio Rancho and surrounding New Mexico area. Rheanni can work with you online through Zoom. 

Call to make your appointment today:

This Mind Exercise should not be considered as an exclusive method of treatment. The appropriate medical or psychotherapeutic authorities should be consulted for the diagnosis and treatment if there is any medical or psychological condition. The information and practices described on this website are best considered as an adjunct to orthodox medical or psychological treatments.

Verified by MonsterInsights