Are You Setting Limitations That Are Strong Enough to Maintain Healthy Boundaries in Times of Social Upheaval?
As we enter into the New Paradigm of equality and personal responsibility, setting LIMITATIONS becomes more and more essential to our health and well-being.
“Am I being dumped on or scapegoated? If so, how am I contributing to the problem?”
“What can I do about it (without creating more drama) in a non-violent, yet effective way?”
Welcome to the I Ching Reading and Transformation Game for: Hexagram #60 Setting LIMITATIONS for Strong Boundaries ~
“Extravagant behavior and lack of restraint has led you into a state of difficulty. If you are now feeling regret over this and not busy placing the blame elsewhere, you will avoid further mistakes.” ~ The I Ching Workbook, R.L. Wing
When people choose to blame others and you happen to be in their crossfires, you are liable to be dumped on. This tendency is especially common among highly sensitive people.
In this context, when someone is being “dumped on” (or scapegoated), it means that they’re consciously or unconsciously taking on responsibility for other people’s feelings, karma, behavior, etc. This method of coping is usually learned early on in life and can cause great suffering for the “dumpee.” In contrast, it creates quite a bit of freedom for the “dumper.”
Sometimes dumpers just feel overwhelmed and are looking for relief, as in the case of a small child. However, some people never learn to handle their own feelings and go around unconsciously looking for someone to shame, blame and/or dump their feelings on. Unfortunately, some people are actually narcissistic and dump on purpose to further their quest for power and control. A big, red flag is when they want you to feel sorry for them. “Poor me. I have it so hard!” Watch out… that means the energetic dump truck is pulling up to your driveway!
Another technique is flattery and adulation. “You’re so wonderful! Your work is so amazing…you’re such a great healer, mother, artist, etc.” Don’t fall for it, you’re about to be covered with energetic ick and ook from the ethers!
The truth is, unless you want to spend your life cleaning up after others, rather than living your own dreams, you’re going to have to start setting limitations.
All forms of dumping are an abuse of power based on co-dependence and a desire to escape responsibility. In addition, there are certain situations where dumping is more likely to happen.
If you feel you are in such a situation and want to do something constructive to help yourself, you can go through this Transformation Game on Setting Limitations. Simply relax and gaze at the Circles while contemplating the questions or positive affirmations that go with them. Your intuition will come forward and give you the help that you seek.
Begin By Gaging Your Willingness to Change:
If you’re willing to examine your personal habits and are setting LIMITATIONS for yourself that are healthy and life affirming, you can learn to stop being a dumpee. To get started, ask yourself:
“Have I been willing to let other people dump on me? Have I allowed it to happen a lot in the past?”
“Am I willing to stop this tendency in myself?”
If you have a tendency to be caught off guard by others, now is the time to set stronger LIMITATIONS. Ask your Self, “Am I currently experiencing situations where:
1) There’s a lot of incompetence or my privacy is being disrespected?
2) People are noncooperative, argumentative or easily offended?
3) There is poor health or breakups in friendship or family relations?”
If so, setting LIMITATIONS is definitely called for.
In cases such as these, forceful displays of power will absolutely backfire. Realize that you’re being baited. Do nothing to aggressively confront people in regard to those particular situations and be very conservative with any investment of energy, time or money. Doing so would probably result in a nasty bout of dumping.
The best things to do when dealing with the “dumper/dumpee” dynamic is to stay calm, accept what’s happening and take care of yourself very sensibly. Don’t take the bait. Be generous and kind to those you care about and trust, while you stay out of their business. Find new avenues of behavior that genuinely support your well-being.
Let me repeat…
If you don’t want to be dumped on, don’t engage in dramatic emotional exchanges. That’s because whenever you’re caught up in emotional turmoil, you’re in an excellent energetic position to be dumped on. And that’s true regardless of whether the emotion is positive or negative.
To help yourself, gaze softly at this symbol and imagine that your karmic seeds for harmful or co-dependent habits are burning up.
“I purify my karmic tendency towards co-dependence and self-destruction. I now make a commitment to my higher good.”
Tell your neurological system that you are done with behavior that puts you in harm’s way – like shaming and blaming yourself or continuing to hang out with people who have dumped on you multiple times.
“I release my agreement to ____________________________.”
“I release any agreement I have to hate myself. I detach from harming or disrespecting myself in any way.”
Include situations like buying into gossiping, conflicts, contradictions, obligations, “duty,” lies, trickery or someone else’s suffering.
You may be experiencing shock that’s interfering with your ability to sense what’s really going on. Relax and use this affirmation to help you release whatever is causing conflict in you.
“I stop gripping on self-criticism and self-hate.”
“I release the conflict around _______________ or anything else that causes me harm. “
You can use this Circle like a telescope to help you find fixations in your mind and energy field. Once you find one, use the symbol to send a laser beam to break it apart or melt it like an iceberg in the Sun. There may be more than one.
Next, scan your body and energy field to do the same with any denser, hardened energies. You can even do it for the immediate space around you.
Open the connection to your spirit through your Heart Chakra. Allow your energy to connect with what’s true for you. Acknowledge that there may be some interference that’s blocking you from the truth.
“I let go of pleasing others. I now connect with the truth and the positive input of my Soul.”
“I exist and what happens to me matters.”
Setting Limitations On How You Contribute to the Problem:
Slow down and use this Circle to help you become aware of how you are approaching projects, plans, organizations and people that aren’t working in your best interest. If you let your thoughts slow down, you can begin to sense what is contributing to your problems. The very awareness of how you’re tied into the problem reveals possible solutions.
“I slow down and take things one at a time… is there something about this situation that I’m missing and need to know?”
“I clarify my awareness of what I’m doing to contribute to unhealthy boundaries.”
Dissolve any harmful thoughts or emotions that keep you in the dark. It might help to imagine those patterns like dark clouds that obstruct the light. See the darkness dissolve and dissipate into sunlight and clear blue skies.
“I dissolve the confusion and chaos. I let go of needing to please others. I let go of the need to_______________.”
Before you continue, seal and heal any holes that may have been hidden behind in the darkness. These positive affirmations work very well:
“All holes or leakages are sealed and healed.”
“I now head in the direction of my Souls true purpose.”
Be sure to do that both crossed and uncrossed over the midline of your body.
“I understand the part I have played in this situation.”
In this lighter, clearer mind space, ask yourself:
“What makes sense to do next?” or “How can I best protect myself in this situation?”
Congratulations! You’ve taken an important first step towards protecting your Self from being dumped on. Taking the time now to understand how you have unknowingly contributed to your own suffering is truly a gift of self-love.
The following extra-intuitive activities aren’t required, but they can really help you prevent future suffering…
Note: At any point during the rest of this Transformation Game, you may need to go back to the Release Fixations section to look for and clear additional fixations.
Setting Limitations On What You’re Attracting:
If you’re approaching situations with an attitude of “I’m going to fix this,” or “I’m supposed to rescue this person or change how they are thinking / behaving,” you’re setting yourself up to fall into the dumper/dumpee trap. To avoid it, stay centered and focused on your own integrity.
* If you have a copy of The Essential Human, now would be a good time to use Emotional Corrections A – E between pages 97 and 101 to access and balance energies you’re pulling from the ‘field of potential’.
Going through this process will help you draw on the kinds of spiritual / emotional ingredients that will support your integrity.
“I am focused on my own integrity.”
Setting Limitations on What Kinds of Situations You Participate In:
Put your feet on the floor and ground in the New Paradigm – a consciousness of equality, personal responsibility and sustainable prosperity.
Once you’re feeling grounded, ask for the very best.
“I now access healthy nourishment and support for my Souls purpose.”
Imagine that you can form strong, healthy boundaries with this affirmation:
“I am surrounded with courage and determination. I reject and repel shame, blame, frustration, jealousy, impatience, panic and _________.”
The fact that you have taken the time now to strengthen your boundaries and protect yourself will serve you well throughout your life.
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Rheanni Lightwater CHT, CKT lives and practices in Santa Fe, NM. She specializes in mind body healing with family and relationship clearing using Kinesiology, the Intuitive Learning Circles™, Reiki as a Master/Teacher, Hypnotherapy and Shamanic Clearing Techniques.
Schedule with Rheanni via Zoom, Skype or in person when you visit Santa Fe, New Mexico. Call her at (505) 271-4612 between 10:00am – 5:00pm, MST, Monday through Friday to schedule.
This Transformation Game should not be considered as an exclusive method of treatment. The appropriate medical or psychotherapeutic authorities should be consulted for the diagnosis and treatment if there is any medical or psychological condition. The information and practices described on this website are best considered as an adjunct to orthodox medical or psychological treatments.