Creating a Partnership that Encourages Success and Right Livelihood

Clearing the Template of Fear and Co-dependence

This class uses Circles from “Soul Prayer Charts” and “Gifts from the Rainforest” to clear your mind and thinking.

Looking at the importance of operating out of love, rather than misguided love or pain.
      Many people mistake “love” for “need” in American society. As a culture, we seem to enjoy focusing on each other’s pain and calling that love. On the one hand, it is considered a good match to make up for whatever is lacking in our partner. On the other hand, we focus on what we lack, and then look for a partner that we believe will make us whole. Unfortunately, the only wholeness that comes from this kind of partnership is a whole lot of trouble that is called co-dependance.

What does a troubled relationship have to do with anybody’s ability to succeed?
     Co-dependence creates a dynamic that spreads like a cancer into every other aspect of a person’s life which makes it very difficult to manifest anything, especially one’s hearts desire. Essentially, the bottom line is that in a co-dependant relationship, one uses a tremendous amount of their own manna, or life energy to fix someone else’s problem rather than using it to further their own goals. We can all agree that it is a loving and appropriate thing to offer support to a partner or friend, or to give them assistance when they ask for it. The problem comes when we compulsively or habitually try to fix them, do it for them or take on their pain. The problem compounds itself when we continue to do these things even after the relationship is over. 

Why is this a problem?
     It is said that when healing any deep soul issue, awareness and ownership are the keys. Without understanding the general circumstances of the original trauma and why we reacted the way we did, we cannot effectively come to terms with it and make the necessary changes. By taking on our partner’s pain, two important obstacles come into play.
     # One - we are distracting ourselves from handling our own issues.
     # Two - we get our karma mixed up with the karma of our partner, which creates an entanglement.
     When we take on anyone elses’s pain we have neither ownership or awareness, because we cannot possibly know another person’s truth about what lies behind their pain. Therefore, any attempt to heal someone else’s pain is misguided love and is doomed to failure.

When did it begin?
     This unconscious habit of taking on other people’s pain usually begins in childhood. Take a very common example in the young child of a couple going through divorce. This could very easily happen to either a boy or a girl, but we will use a young girl in this case.
Let’s say that Susie walks in on an argument that is going on between her parents. Immediately, she knows that something is wrong, but when she asks, she is told not to bother them and go upstairs. Since she doesn’t know what it’s all about, her imagination comes in to fill in the blanks. The wound is further compounded when Susie’s parents try to protect her by not letting her in on what is really happening. Perhaps they think that she’s just too young to understand, so they try to save her from all that pain.
      What they are ignoring is that children are nearly always aware that something is wrong and if it’s not explained in terms they can understand, they will find their own explanation. If left in the dark, Susie will probably decide that she is bad or somehow to blame. When Susie’s parents see her reaction, they feel guilty, which causes her to feel more and more insecure and the pattern of misguided love and unresolved pain is firmly established.       Later on, as an adult, Susie may unconsciously act out her parent’s guilt, shame or blame on her partner, friends or co-workers without really knowing why. She never learned how to have a straightforward and honest conversation. All of this has occurred because someone wanted to avoid their own pain and take on responsibility for someone else.
      The result is generations of confused children who grow up to be very unhappy people and in the worst cases, severely dysfunctional. The solution lies in choosing to face up to the reality of one’s pain and taking responsibility for resolving it. That is how “unpreferred” karma is cleared. Unfortunately, there are many people who would do almost anything rather than face their own pain, so they look for a partner that will do it for them or that they can dump it on. 
      If we get caught up in this kind of pattern, we find ourselves in situations filled with manipulation, meddling, blame and shame. Not only that, we are inadvertently creating new, unpreferred karma. When this happens, the relationship is not operating out of love, it has gone unconscious and misguided.
      Here are a few graphs that will prepare you to release these unconscious patterns in your own primary relationship (and past relationships) so that you can more easily manifest your goal from a place of genuine love.

 

Examining your beliefs and attitudes toward relationship

Part I - What is the status of my current (or most recent) love relationship?
While looking at the graph below, ask yourself questions one through seven. Write down the very first answer that comes to you each time. 

 

1. If your partner stays the way he/she is right now, how does that make you feel?
2. What are your general complaints about the way your partner is (habits, behaviors, compulsions, addictions, attachments)? Keep going until you run out of things to say. Let yourself go.
3. What would you change about your partner?
4. Do you feel sorry for your partner? If so, why?
5. What is the number one thing that your partner can do that puts you into a rage?
6. How do you feel about your sexual relationship with your partner?
7. Is he/she willing to work on any of these issues on their own? If not, why not?

Part II - examine what your heart really desires
Repeat the same process with this graph and the seven questions below.

 

1. How would you describe your ideal relationship?
2. How would you feel in that relationship?
3. How would you handle fear, anger and other strong emotions?
4. How would you handle your differences, finances, children, or your responsibilities?
5. What are some experiences you like to have with your partner?
6. What would sex be like with your ideal partner?

Part III - There are many social contracts about relationships. An example would be that a wife must obey her husband or that marriage binds you to your partner for life. Consciously release yourself from any social contracts that are no longer in your best interest.
Use the questions below to dig up your fear-based conditioning.

 

 

1. What does society tell you about relationships?
2. What have you learned about relationships from clergy, parents or other caregivers?
3. Do you feel you have adequate privacy?
4. Do you feel that your opinions are respected?
5. Do you ever feel that you need to hide anything from your partner? 

     The next step is to make corrections in your perspective by looking at this sequence of graphs out of “Gifts from the Rainforest” and “Soul Prayer Charts.”  Doing so will help you to extract yourself from the template of fear and misguided love in relationships.
     Begin by making sure that your legs or arms are not crossed over the midline of your body. Read the affirmations below and then look at the indicated Circle one at a time with a soft gaze for approximately one minute. A shorter or longer time may be necessary. Then do the same with your legs crossed. The Circle is providing structural support for the contents of the intention, affirmation or question that accompanies it. Just breathe deeply and relax. Allow yourself to be open and receiving. You may notice subtle energies, memories or emotions running through you or the Circles may begin to move, rotate, pulsate or even change colors. This is all part of the experience. Just keep breathing; relax into your body and stay objective - just as you would in a state of meditation. You are encouraged to journal on insights or new ideas that may come to you during the exercise.

Note: G will stand for “Gifts from the Rainforest” and S will stand for “Soul Prayer Charts.”

G #49    Old Sol    
Bring in the truth and your inner wisdom. Are you willing to accept the truth about your relationship? If not why not?

G #10    Ant 
What are you afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships?

G #35     Flamingo 
Expand your awareness and look at yourself from a distance. What is really going on?

S #3       Reclaiming 
Reclaim the aspect of your  Essential Self that knows how to love and be loved genuinely.  Imagine that you can bring this part of yourself back home to your solar plexus.

S #1      Clearing Inhibitors
Use this Circle to bring in the light of Universal Love to dispel any darkness or pain you may be feeling.  

R #20     Dog
Release any agreement you may have to be disloyal to yourself when you are in relationship. Look at this Circle from all angles - right left, up and down so that all parts of your brain get the message: “I am loyal to myself in my relationships - all the time.”
Be sure to do it again with your legs crossed.

S #15    Conductors, Receptors and Regulators    
Use Universal Love as a template to put your priorities in order. Repeat the same process you just went through with the previous Circle with this affirmation:
“Love is my new template for relationships.”

G #48   River 
See taking good care of yourself as a priority.
One at a time, use this Circle to clearly visualize the following scenarios: resting, having fun, being cared for, being pampered, having plenty of money to pay your bills, exercising, making financial decisions, socializing with people who care about you and respect you, eating well, cleaning your home, having sex with a loving, caring partner, sharing intimate conversation, being touched tenderly.

S #11   Earth    
Release any embarrassment, shame or fear around doing any of these things. Imagine they are like sandcastles on the beach being swept away by the high tide.

G #11 Raccoon
Make a new agreement that you genuinely want to enjoy making decisions and arrangements for yourself that are in your best interest.

S #7    True Self     
Let the truth about you shine through. Are you able to take good care of yourself?
If not, bring your Essential Self into alignment with your higher good.

S #14    Soul Color  
Your Soul has its own unique vibration and color. Bring yourself back into resonance with it.

Look at this Circle and affirm your independance from fear and manipulation:
“I am Love. I am Love. I am Love.”

Congratulations! Freeing yourself from the template of fear and misguided love in relationships opens you up to amazing new possibilities with your partner.

Rheanni Lightwater © 2004